just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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