Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need help removing her.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
