I think I just saw someone hide a body.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
