i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
