My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
