His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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