oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
