how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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