youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
