And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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