We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
