2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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