Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
