My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize