hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When are your genitals available?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
