It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
