omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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