How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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