yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
