we have officially mastered the walk of shame
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
