she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
