she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
