I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
