Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
