we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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