I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
