she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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