Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
