My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
