hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
