My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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