fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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