it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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