So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need water and some morals
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
