Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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