Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
