do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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