Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
