look no pants
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
