kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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