I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
