never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You are the jesus of drinking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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