How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
