I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
