Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
