i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
