My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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