So drunk its hurt
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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