dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
