he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
