grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
