I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
