90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
